- from masturbationlist.com
- A little five on one
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Abuse the fuse
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Adjust your set
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Anger the cobra
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Anger the pickle
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Answer the bone-a-phone
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Appease the cheese
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Arm-wrestle the one eyed champ
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Asexual reproduction
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Autofellatio
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Auto-manipulation
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Ax the timber
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Badger the witness
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Bag that ass up
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Bait the mast
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Bake cream cakes
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Bake the cheese
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Banana squeezing
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Bang yourself
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Bank off shoot goo
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Bash the bishop
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Baste the turkey
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Battle the Cyclops
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Be a loner
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Beat it
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Beat off
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Beat Pedro
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Beat the banger
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Beat the beef
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Beat the bishop
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Beat the bologna
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Beat the hog
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Beat the meat
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Beat the monkey
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Beat the morning wood (like every good boy should)
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Beat the one eye snake
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Beat the one eyed monster
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Beat the rat
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Beat the red-headed ****-eyed woodpecker
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Beat the shit
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Beat the stepchild
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Beat the stick
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Beat the weasel
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Beat up shorty
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Beat your ****
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Beat your gorilla
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Beat your pud
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Beat your skin
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Beatin' the baby batter
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Beef the jerky
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Beef-strokin'-off
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Ben your Franklin
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Bend the banana
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Bitch-slapping your stomper
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Blind the one eyed monster
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Blow a wad
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Blow the ceiling
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Blow up
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Blow wad
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Blow your load
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Blow your nose
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Boff up
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Bollock milking
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Bop the boa
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Bop the bologna
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Bounce Tigger
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Bounce your balls
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Box Oscar
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Box the clown
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Box the Jesuit
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Bringin' ya milk
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Buff the bullet
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Buff the pickle
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Burp the baby
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Burp the frog
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Burp the worm
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Bust a Nut
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Busting the left nut instead of the right one
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Butter the corn
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Call the captain
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Caress your zesty zambonie
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Chafe the squirtgun
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Charm the python
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Charm the snake
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Checkin' the Ol' Dipstick
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Cheesin
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Choke
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Choke the bishop
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Choke the chicken
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Choke the Choir Boy
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Choke the chubby
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Choke the monkey
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Choke the one eyed snake
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Choke the Pope
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Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse
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Choke the unemployed
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Chunking
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Churn butter
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Churn seed
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Circle jerk
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Clean the clock
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Clean the pipes
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Clear the snorkel
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Club the cucumber
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**** blockin
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**** pulling
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**** smack
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**** snot
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Come to daddy
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Corralling the tadpoles
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Crank it
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Crank one out
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Crank the cable
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Crank the crane
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Crank the gear
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Crank the one-eyed yogurt thrower
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Cream the cake
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Croke the frog
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Crown the bishop
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Cruzin' then Oozin'
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Cuff the carrot
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Cuff the carrot
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Cuff the monkey
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Cum and go
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Cum on self
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Cum on your tum
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Cum-lets-play
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Curl the honey
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Daily duties
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Dancing around the maypole
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Dancing with Mother Knuckle and her five daughters
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Dancing with the one eye sailor
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Dangle the Donkey
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Date Palmela Handerson
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Date Paula and her 4 sisters
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Date Rosie Palmer and her five sisters
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Date with Rosie bone and her five sisters
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Deal cards
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Deload the gun
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Despunk
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Destroying the slots machine
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Diddle your bob
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Do a load by hand.
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Do Mary Palm and her 5 sisters
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Do shoupa shoupa
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Do the dishes
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Do the janitor thing
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Do the Johnson and ball dance
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Do yourself
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Dog off
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Doing the Palm sisters
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Dong around
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Donkey punch
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Double Clicking The mouse
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Dr. Spankenstein Time
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Drain the dragon
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Drain the lizard
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Drain the pipes
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Drain the snake
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Drain the vein
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Drill for oil
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Drop a load before work.
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Drop the chalupa
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Drop the kids off at the pool.
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Duke your Jim
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Eat the egg
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Empty the banana
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Empty the pipes
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Empty your gunbarrel
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Erupt old faithful
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Erupt the volcano
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Exhaust the camel
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Exorcise your demons
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Extra long shower
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Fake fuckin'
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Favorite household activity
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Feed the donkey
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Feeding the chickens
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Feel it up
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Fiddle the ferret
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Fight one-eyed Willy
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Fight the one eyed purple warrior
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Fight the one-eyed monster
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Fight the purple helmet warrior
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Fight with Tarzan
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Fill up your belly-button
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Fire out the hole
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Fire the cannon
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Fire the flesh musket
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Fire the pistol
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Fire the surgeon general
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Firing a shot from the grassy knoll
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Fist fucking
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Fist rocket
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Fist-humpin.
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Fisting
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Fisting your ****
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Five against one
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Five finger disco
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Five finger shuffle
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Five fingered widow
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Five knuckle shuffle
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Five on one
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Five versus Willy
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Five-fingered humpty hump love pump
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Five-fingered wife
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Fix the clogged drain
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Flick your dick
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Fling the pudding
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Flog the Bishop
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Flog the doggie
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Flog the dolphin
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Flog the dummy
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Flog the hog
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Flog the log
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Flog the man
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Flog the mule
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Flog the one eyed gopher
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Flog the ore
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Flog the sailor
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Flog your log
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Flogging
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Fly solo
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Fondle the dolphin
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Fondle the frankfurter
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Fondle the sausage
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Foreskin mambo
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Frag your snag
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Free the captive ninja
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Free Willy
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Freshen the air
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Friction burn
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Frighten the blue veined custard chucker
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Fry the chicken
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Fry the egg
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Fuck the chicken
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Fuck the udder
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Fuck your ****
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Fuck your fist
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Fuck your hand
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Fuck yourself
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Fucking for one
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Fucking mother thumb and her 4 daughters
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Fumble your frank
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Get a handle on things
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Get a hold of yourself
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Get off
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Get some me time
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Get sticky
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Get the job done
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Get to know yourself
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Give the dog a bone
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Give the dog a walk
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Giving Kojak the third degree
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Giving yourself a helping hand
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Go and have a slap
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Go at it
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Go blind
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Go down to the zipper mart to pick up a pound of pork
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Go for a spoof
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Go nut
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Grab the gusto
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Grab the handle
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Grab the meat
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Grapple the gorilla
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Grease the Pole
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Grease the rod
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Grease the wheel
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Great thoughts
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Greet Mr. Happy
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Greet the bishop
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Greeting Madam Palm and her 5 lovely daughters
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Grind the gopher
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Grind the groundhog
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Groom the Wookie
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Ham shank
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Hammer the lumber
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Hammer the helmet head
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Hand fuck
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Hand happy
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Hand hold
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Hand humpin'
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Hand jive
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Hand sex
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Hand shandy
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Hand Start the Yogurt Shooter
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Hand to Gland combat
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Hand to gland combat
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Hand, dick co-ordination
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Handle the merchandise
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Handy sandy
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Handy Shandy
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Hans Solo
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Harass the milkman
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Have a Barclays (Barclays Bank -- WANK - rhyming slang)
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Have a chug
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Have a frapp
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Have a tug
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Have a tug of war with Cyclops
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Have a wank
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Have fun
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Have sex with someone you love
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High-five Yule Brenner
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Hip the hop
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Hit the mitt
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Hitch-hike to heaven
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Hold the knob
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Hold the man
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Hold your baseball bat
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Hold your sausage hostage
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Home alone
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Homework
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Hone the bone
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Hump the hand
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Hump the Hebrew
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Hump the knob
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Hump the matress
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Idle hands
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Impregnate the air
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Increase the surface temperature of the ship's primary cannon using rapid linear motion
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Inside Slider with two balls
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Interrogate the prisoner
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Interrogate the witness
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Introduce Mr. Penis to Mrss Palm and her five lovely daughters
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Jack off
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Jack the beanstock
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Jack the frank
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Jack yo mac
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Jedi train in the bathroom
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Jerk and clean
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Jerk around
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Jerk it
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Jerk off
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Jerk pud
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Jerk the beef
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Jerk the chain
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Jerk the cum
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Jerk the general
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Jerk the Johnson
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Jerk the monkey
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Jerk the one-eyed snake
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Jerk the pet
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Jerk you shit
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Jerk your chain
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Jerk your gherkin
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Jerkin' the gherkin
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Jingle the Pringles
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Jingle your bone
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Jizsturbation
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Jock the sock
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Jog the joker
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Josh one off
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Juggle the balls
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Jump the pogo stick
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Just getting dressed
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Just going up to the office to use the photocopier
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Just gonna go lay down and take a nap...
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Just gonna go take a bath...
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Just need a little time with my e-mail, that's all...
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Keepin' the mortar clean
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Kill the gentleman
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Kill the Mr. Tingley
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Kneading the bread
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Knob thumping
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Knock one off
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Knock one off
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Knock the rock
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Knuckle shuffle
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Launch the hand shuttle
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Launch the rocket
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Lead pedro down the road of bulimia
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Leak the lizard
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Let Elvis leave the building
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Let loose the juice
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Lift your spirit
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Lighting the Roman Candle
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Liquidate inventory
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Log off
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Log the lumber
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Lollygagging
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Lope the mule
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Lope the mule
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Love yourself
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Lube the tube
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Lubricate the Lutheran
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Magic your Johnson
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Make a deposit
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Make cream
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Make friends with the lizard
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Make instant icing
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Make it spit
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Make it useful
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Make junior vomit
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Make love to Miss Michigan
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Make one on one love
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Make one-eye cry
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Make Peter puke
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Make stomach pancakes
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Make the bald guy puke
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Make the bald guy puke
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Make the Cyclops cry
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Make the Cyclops fight the 5 headed monster
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Make the Cyclops spit
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Make the funny juice flow
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Make the one eyed monster puke
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Make the privates stand at attention, then fall in
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Make the snake puke
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Make your own hand lotion
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Makin babies
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Mangle the moose
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Manipulate your manhood
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Marry the moose
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Massage my palm
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Massage my stiff joint
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Massage out the stiffness
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Massage the salami
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Massage the soul
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Massage your balls
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Massage your clovers
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Meat off
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Meat-Beat
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Meet Mother Palm and her five daughters
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Meet the neighbors
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Meet the President
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Milk it
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Milk Murray
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Milk the beef
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Milk the ****
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Milk the cow
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Milk the goat
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Milk the hose
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Milk the lizard
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Milk the Magnesia
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Milk the Mickey
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Milk the one eyed trouser snake
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Milk the one-eyed snake
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Milk the one-uttered cow
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Milk your meat
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Milk yourself
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Molest the bystander
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Money comes out
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Monkey dance
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Move the joystick
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Mr. Happy and his five friends have a party.
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Mrs. palmer and her 5 daughters
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My Wife
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Nuke the whale
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Number 3
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Oil the barber pole
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Oil the barrel
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Oil the Crank
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Oil the noodle
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One hand work out
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One handed pole vault
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One man and a hand
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One man show
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Our Gang Spanky Marathon
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Paddling the pony
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Paint Pontius Pilate's Palace
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Paint the ceiling
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Paint the wall
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Palm loving
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Pamela Handerson
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Pan for white gold
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Party for one
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Pat the monkey
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Pat the Robertson
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Pay bills
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Pay the pope
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Peel the banana
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Peel the carrot
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Peeling chilies
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Pet the bald eagle
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Pet the donkey
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Pet the ghurkin
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Pet the one eyed monster
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Pet the one eyed snake
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Pet the one-eyed gopher
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Pet the potato
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Pet the snake
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Pet the Willy
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Pet your third leg
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Pickle your peter
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Pimp pump
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Piston pushing
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Play a solo on my private organ
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Play ball with the boys
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Play five on one
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Play golf
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Play peek-a-boo alone
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Play pocket pool
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Play skin Banjo
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Play solitaire
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Play the bag pipe
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Play the meat pipe
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Play the skin flute
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Play tug of war with Cyclops
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Play with Burt Reynolds mustache
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Play with Fistina
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Play with Fred
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Play with lil' Elvis
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Play with Mr. Panky
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Play with myself
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Play with Peter
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Play with Pikachu
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Play with Rosey Palm
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Play with the pud
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Play with the purple headed yogurt slinger
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Play with Wally
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Play with Willy the wonder worm
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Play with your **** and balls
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Play with yourself
-
Play your guitar
-
Play Zelda
-
Pluck the ducky
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Pluck the mushroom
-
Pocket billiards
-
Pocket fishing
-
Pocket pool
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Polish Lord Helmet
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Polish the baton
-
Polish the bishop
-
Polish the candlestick
-
Polish the dolphin
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Polish the helmet
-
Polish the knob
-
Polish the Ol' Torpedo
-
Polish the one eyed gopher
-
Polish the one eyed weasel
-
Polish the Papal Podium
-
Polish the pewter
-
Polish the piston
-
Polish the pope
-
Polish the shaft
-
Polish the silver
-
Polish the sword of happiness
-
Polish the torpedo
-
Polish your Oscar
-
Polish your pipe
-
Polish your rocket
-
Polish your whistle
-
Polishing the periscope
-
Pop the head
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Pop the pistol
-
Pop the top off the Champaign bottle
-
Portuguese pump
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Pound off
-
Pound the flounder
-
Pound the hammer
-
Pound the pony
-
Pound the pud
-
Powder your nose
-
Prime the pump handle
-
Prune the shroom
-
Pud pulling
-
Pud whacking
-
Puddin'
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Pull a quickie
-
Pull and squirt
-
Pull dinky
-
Pull it
-
Pull it hard
-
Pull Nixon's nose
-
Pull off
-
Pull one off
-
Pull one out of the bag...
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Pull pud
-
Pull Stretch Armstrong
-
Pull the chain
-
Pull the cord
-
Pull the dog's tail
-
Pull the fun lever
-
Pull the goalie
-
Pull the meat
-
Pull the noodle
-
Pull the pickle
-
Pull the pig
-
Pull the pipe
-
Pull the plowman
-
Pull the Polish pork
-
Pull the pork
-
Pull the turkey
-
Pull your plumb
-
Pull your pud
-
Pull your toy
-
Pull your wire
-
Pulling your Yankee Doodle
-
Pump
-
Pump jacks
-
Pump mini me
-
Pump sperm
-
Pump the balls
-
Pump the Pole
-
Pump the watergun
-
Pump your gun
-
Pump your pud
-
Pump'n the water rocket
-
Punch the clown
-
Punch the eclair
-
Punch the monkey
-
Punch the munchkin
-
Punish Percy in the palm
-
Punish the evil merchant
-
Puppy whacking
-
Pushing the envelope
-
Put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college
-
Putting Mayonnaise On The Garlic Bread
-
Ram the rod
-
Rattle the one eyed snake
-
Ream the one eyed semen demon
-
Release some steam
-
Release the hounds
-
Release the pressure
-
Release the valves
-
Relieve your sperm bank
-
Relieving a little tension
-
Relish up the hot dog
-
Remove the rust
-
Ricky Wrestling
-
Ride the big dipper
-
Ride The Dolphin
-
Ride the rod
-
Ride to heaven
-
Ring your ****
-
Rinse on
-
Rocketing
-
Rod yankin
-
Roll dice
-
Rolling the dough
-
Rope the mule
-
Rope your goat
-
Rough up the little man
-
Rough up the suspect
-
Row the boat
-
Rub a dub dub
-
Rub it silly
-
Rub one off
-
Rub one out
-
Rub the button
-
Rub the faucet
-
Rub the fireman's helmet
-
Rub the knob!
-
Rub the magic lamp
-
Rub the pipe
-
Rub the rhubarb
-
Rub the rod
-
Rub the sausage
-
Rub the tool
-
Rub your monkey
-
Rub your nub
-
Rubadubdub
-
Run off a batch
-
Salute the flag pole
-
Salute the general
-
Salute the scumlord
-
Sausage stroking
-
Say hello to Mr. Happy
-
Say hello to the colonel of love
-
Say hi to your monster
-
Scramble the sausage
-
Scrub the deck
-
Self deflation
-
Self diddle
-
Self fuck
-
Self fucking
-
Self gratification
-
Self indulgence
-
Self motivation
-
Self service
-
Self sex
-
Self-satisfaction
-
Self-suck
-
Sex with da hands
-
Sex with Simon
-
Shag your shank
-
Shag-yer-self
-
Shake hands w/the unemployed
-
Shake hands with a pole
-
Shake hands with Abraham Lincoln
-
Shake hands with Ben Franklin
-
Shake hands with Elvis
-
Shake hands with Mr Peeper
-
Shake hands with the ambassador of love
-
Shake hands with the devil
-
Shake hands with the governor
-
Shake hands with the one eyed milk man
-
Shake hands with the president
-
Shake hands with the sheriff
-
Shake hands with the unemployed
-
Shake hands with the wife's wedding present
-
Shake hot, white coconuts from the veiny love tree
-
Shake it
-
Shake my finger
-
Shake off
-
Shake the bottle
-
Shake the goo off
-
Shake the grapes
-
Shake the old man
-
Shake the pepperpot
-
Shake the snake
-
Shake the snake
-
Shake with the tall guy
-
Shake your fist angrily at your ex-girlfriend
-
Shake your martini
-
Shakin' the bacon
-
Shaking hand with Colonel Sanders
-
Shampoo the carpet
-
Shampoo the moose
-
Sharpen the pencil
-
Shift with the manual transmission
-
Shine the bishop
-
Shine the car
-
Shine the helmet
-
Shine the pole
-
Shine the spear
-
Shine the telescope
-
Shine the wood
-
Shine your salami
-
Shock the monkey
-
Shoot for pearls
-
Shoot hoops
-
Shoot old yeller
-
Shoot putty at the moon
-
Shoot putty at the moon
-
Shoot the gun
-
Shoot the plane
-
Short-arm stroking
-
Shroom pullin'
-
Shuck the corn cob
-
Shuck the cornstalk
-
Sin dirty with thy self
-
Siphon the python
-
Skin the sarge
-
Skin the sausage
-
Skin your frank
-
Slam the ham
-
Slam the stick
-
Slap little Johnny behind the German helmet
-
Slap spanky
-
Slap the bishop
-
Slap the carrot
-
Slap the dick
-
Slap the dummy
-
Slap the ham
-
Slap the salami
-
Slap the salmon
-
Slap the sausage
-
Slap the stick
-
Slap you ****
-
Slay the dragon
-
Slick the stick
-
Slime the salamy
-
slippery
-
slippin' salami
-
slipping
-
Slobbin' the Milosevich
-
Smack
-
Smack baldy on the head
-
Smack my pud
-
Smack off
-
Smack the burrito
-
Smack the salami
-
Smack your monkey
-
Smelly jelly making
-
Smoke the turkey
-
Sneak a wink at wiggly
-
Sock the ****
-
Solo serve
-
Spank frank
-
Spank frank
-
Spank it
-
Spank it
-
Spank Milo
-
Spank off
-
Spank one
-
Spank that ass
-
Spank the chicken
-
Spank the dolphin
-
Spank the hotdog
-
Spank the money
-
Spank the monkey
-
Spank the old lady
-
Spank the pup
-
Spank the sausage
-
Spank the Spam
-
Spank your love life
-
Spank your monkey
-
Spank your pud
-
Spanktervision
-
Spanky's Revenge
-
Speed shifting
-
Spend time with an old friend
-
Spewin' a white one
-
Spill milk
-
Spin the dreidel
-
Spit da' sperm
-
Spit shine the knob
-
Splish Splah
-
Sploshing
-
Sporting the tent
-
Spraying the belly with sticky white love-piss
-
Spunk the monkey
-
Spunk up
-
Squeeze a few rounds off on the pump action shotgun
-
Squeeze cheese
-
Squeeze off a load
-
Squeeze one off
-
Squeeze the big guy
-
Squeeze the Charmin
-
Squeeze the Cyclops
-
Squeeze the duck's head
-
Squeeze the juice out the head
-
Squeeze the lemon
-
Squeeze the sausage
-
Squeeze the squid
-
Squeeze the tomato
-
Squeeze the Twinkie
-
Squeeze you lizard
-
Squirt the Bert
-
Squish the squid
-
Stain the mitt
-
Start the engine
-
Start the lawnmower
-
Stick it
-
Stick shifting
-
Stock
-
Stoke the Strokin' stack
-
Strangle the bishop
-
Strangle the one-eyed trouser snake
-
Strangle the snake
-
Strangle the snake
-
Strangle the warrior
-
Stress reliever
-
Stretch it
-
Stretch one out
-
Stretch the salami
-
Stretching the truth
-
Strike oil
-
Strip the bark
-
Stroke
-
Stroke it
-
Stroke off
-
Stroke that big thing
-
Stroke the chicken
-
Stroke the choad
-
Stroke the ****
-
stroke the crank
-
Stroke the ding-dong
-
Stroke the dolphin
-
Stroke the donkey
-
Stroke the longhorn
-
Stroke the manroot
-
Stroke the monkey
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Stroke the mushroom
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Stroke the oar
-
stroke the one-eyed snake
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Stroke the poke
-
Stroke the puppy
-
Stroke the salami
-
Stroke the salami
-
Stroke the schlong
-
Stroke the shaft
-
Stroke the slug
-
Stroke the Snake
-
Stroke the stick
-
Stroke the strudel
-
Stroke the stump
-
Stroke the weasel
-
Stroke the yoke
-
Stroke your ****
-
Stroking the dog
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Stroking the fireman
-
Stroking the flagpole
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Struggle for life
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Strum the drum
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Strum your guitar
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Summon the jizz
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Swat off
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Swing the balls
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Swing the thing
-
Tackling the totem
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Take a load off
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Take a ride on the slip n' slide
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Take a squirt
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Take batting practice
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Take Capt Solo on the Kessel Run
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Take Captain Picard to Warp Speed
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Take care of a big problem
-
Take care of business
-
Take matters in hand
-
Take the edge off
-
Take the sausage hostage
-
Take your banana boat to tuna town
-
Tame the beast
-
Tame the one eyed spitting snake
-
Tame the shrew
-
Tame the vein
-
Taming the purple headed warrior
-
Tantalizing your toboggan
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Tap a teste
-
Teach the dog a lesson
-
Teach the monkey
-
Tease the weasel
-
Tease to please
-
Teasing one out
-
Tenderize the meat
-
Tenderize the pork
-
Tenderize the steak
-
Test the probe
-
Test the purple headed yogurt thrower
-
Thawing the meat
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The gentle handshake
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The ol' 5 against 1
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The penis pull
-
The right hand maneuver
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The sofa
-
The twist
-
Thelma Thumb and her four sisters
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Think of your mom
-
Thump the stump
-
Thumping the stump
-
Tickle the angus
-
Tickle the meat curtains
-
Tickle the peter
-
Tickle the pickle
-
Tickle the tentacle
-
Tickle the tiger
-
Tip the hat
-
Tommy Tank
-
Toot the horn
-
Torture little Timmy
-
Torture the monkey
-
Toss off
-
Toss the salad
-
Touch the toucher
-
Touch yourself
-
Train the chicken
-
Train the purple-headed warrior
-
Tug the handle
-
Tug the tassel
-
Tug the turkey
-
Tug your rope
-
Tugging the boat
-
Tug-O-War With Cyclops
-
Turn Japanese
-
Tweak your tool.
-
Twiddle the bone flute
-
Ugly Man Sex
-
Unisex
-
Unleashing
-
Unload your gun
-
Unsheathe the meat sword
-
Up and down
-
Use the joystick
-
Vex the vicar
-
Vice grip
-
Virgin Love
-
Visit the petting zoo
-
Vote Republican
-
Wag it
-
Wag the dog
-
Walk the dog
-
Wang chungin
-
Wang off
-
Wank
-
Wank and crank
-
Wank it
-
Wank off
-
Wank the monkey
-
Wank the pud
-
Wank the sock
-
Wank the wanker
-
Wank the willy
-
Wank your shank
-
Wankin and spankin
-
Wanky panky
-
Wash the Buick
-
Wash the rod
-
Watch some pooh
-
Wax the Bat
-
Wax the bishop
-
Wax the carrot
-
Wax the chrome
-
Wax the dolphin
-
Wax the flagpole
-
Wax the frog
-
Wax the ol' Torpedo
-
Wax the pole
-
Wax the weasel
-
Wax the willie
-
Wax the Winnebago
-
Weenie whacking
-
Wet the whistle
-
Whack it
-
Whack jack
-
Whack off
-
Whack off like a red-headed stepchild
-
Whack the Chalupa
-
Whack the pole
-
Whack the pud
-
Whack the rod
-
Whack the weasel
-
Whack the wizard
-
Whack the wood
-
Whack your wack
-
Whackin winky
-
Whacking it
-
Wham the bone
-
Wheel it
-
Whip it
-
Whip pud
-
Whip the noodle
-
Whip the weenie
-
Whip up some baby batter.
-
Whippin' cream
-
Whipping' it good
-
Whipping the skippy
-
White Water Wristing
-
White water wristing
-
Whittle the wood
-
Whoop the mule
-
Whoop your pudd
-
Wind up the **** clock
-
Wind your sun dial
-
Windsurf on Mt. Baldy
-
Withdraw from the spankbank
-
Work out the third leg
-
Workin' it
-
Working the wiligger
-
Wrestle the bald head champion
-
Wrestle the champ
-
Wrestle the turkey
-
Wrestle with Jimmy
-
Wrestle with the one eyed champ
-
Wrestle with the one-eyed monster
-
Wrestle with the one-eyed-trouser snake
-
Yank off
-
Yank the chain
-
Yank the crank
-
Yank the dog
-
Yank the plank
-
Yank the sausage
-
Yank the Yankee
-
Yankie the Wankie
-
Yolk the egg
